The Infertility Feasibility
by lemonz and limez
Summary: Having a child is natural thing, it should be easy... right? Well, for Pasadena's Dream Team, it is not.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I really do have a problem with writing something, intending for it to be one shot, then it ending up being too long for a one shot. I need help. **

**Any who, this most likely OOC, but if we really cared about OOCness fan fiction wouldn't exist. Also after that Nobel speech, I feel that Sheldon has grown a lot as a person, SO, that's gonna be my excuse.**

**Also, before we start, there is a story with a similar concept to mine written by Guest92 called The Progeny ****Endeavor. I highly recommend you go give that a read :) **

* * *

It wasn't long after they returned home from Sweden that they decided to try and start a family. Both of them wanted children, and the timing could not have been better.

Sheldon and Amy both knew it would take time, it wasn't like all they had to snap their fingers and BOOM! She would be pregnant. So, for the first few months, they didn't mind when the tests came back negative. They were too busy coming down from the hype of them winning the Nobel to care.

But before they knew it seven months had passed, and still, the tests were coming back negative. The day that Penny had her baby had been masked with sadness for them. They had desperately been trying for something that it took Leonard and Penny one time to accomplish. On accident.

Sheldon remembers seeing the look on his wife's face as she stroked the soft blonde tendrils atop the newborn's head. How the mask of happiness was simply a façade, she was putting on for Penny's sake. He knew that she wanted a baby more than anything, he just didn't understand why it couldn't happen for them.

As much as he hated to admit they needed help, he didn't want it to go on much longer. For his or Amy's sake. He knew they needed to consult someone, at least to let them know if anything was wrong. However, for once, Amy was being the stubborn one.

It took two more negative pregnancy tests to get her to a fertility clinic. While he had been ready to go months before they actually stepped into the office, he knew it was something that they needed to do.

The first appointment had just been lab work, drawing blood, physical examinations, looking over family history, etc. The doctor told them that results would take time, and it wasn't as if they weren't used to waiting at that point. Sheldon was willing to wait weeks to hear anything if it gave them something substantial.

And it did.

A week later, their doctor called them back to her office to deliver them with the results.

"Thank you both for coming in on such short notice," Dr. Barrett said, shaking both of their hands before sitting behind her desk. "I've had the opportunity to look over both of your test results and fortunately," She said, looking at Sheldon. "You, Dr. Cooper, you are clear, there was nothing abnormal on any of your tests, so, from your end, you are fine." Dr. Barrett, sighed folding her hands in front of her and looked to Amy.

Sheldon also looked over at her and saw the tears brimming in her eyes. It was like she already knew. "What about Amy?" Sheldon asked nervously, his eyes never leaving his wife.

"Dr. Fowler, you have what is known as endometriosis. The condition where the endometrium grows on the outside of the uterus, causing scar tissue to form," Dr. Barrett explained. Looking at both of them with sympathy, she continued, "Endometriosis can make it increasingly difficult to get pregnant, especially in severe cases such as yours. Looking at your scans, taking into account the location and severity of your scarring, there is a good chance that it may not happen for you."

Amy cast her eyes downward, letting her tears hit the surface of her intertwined hands. She pulled back harshly when Sheldon tried to grab one.

"Now, this doesn't mean that you will never get pregnant, it just… makes it more difficult."

Sheldon couldn't take his eyes off Amy. His heart split in two as he watched her take in this new information. Each tear that rolled off her cheeks and splashed onto her hand felt like a tiny dagger to his heart.

"There are many options for couples like you, so, don't give up hope. But for right now, you need to take a break, rest a little bit, and then call me when you are ready to proceed."

Dr. Barrett observed the couple for a moment. She noted, how, even though Amy rejected his hand, she welcomed it around her shoulders. How Sheldon seemed physically pained by his wife's emotional distress.

It was not uncommon for her to witness such a reaction when she delivered this kind of news, but that did not make her feel any less sympathy for them. "Amy," she addressed, the neurobiologist raising her head to meet her eyes. "I want you to know that it is possible, but this does make it more complicated, and for that, I am truly sorry."

Amy, nodded her head and without a word, left the office.

Sheldon shot Dr. Barrett a nod of gratitude before he rushed after his wife. When Amy was determined, she walked smoothly and briskly, not caring who or what was in her way. When she knew her destination, nothing was going to stop her from getting there. And judging by the way her legs snapped with each step, she was going to be where she needed to go in no time.

Sheldon managed to catch up with her, but she was already in the parking lot, getting into their car.

When Sheldon didn't move to get into the passenger's seat, Amy rolled the window down, and said, "If you don't get in, you'll have to call an Uber."

Reluctantly, he climbed into the car, and they drove home in silence. Sheldon wanted to talk to her before she started driving. He knew she was distressed, to say the least, and he wanted to discuss what they had just learned before she operated a 3,000-pound death machine.

However, she kept her eyes firmly fixed on the road, and her knuckles were white from how tightly she was gripping the wheel. It was rush hour, so, traffic was a nightmare. Just another thing to stress her out. Sheldon knew better than to try to get her to talk in that moment. So, he simply complied with the silence and watched as the objects sped by out the window.

When they arrived home, she quietly moved to the bedroom and slammed the door shut; loud enough to shake the window in its frame.

Sheldon sighed and flopped down onto the turquoise couch. Running his hands over his face and resting his elbows on his knees, he caught a glimpse of Leonard entering the apartment.

"Hey," he greeted, a worried look on his face. "You guys ok?"

Looking up at his best friend, he regretted not telling him and Penny about the troubles they were having recently. Sheldon briefly considered letting Leonard know what was going on, but he couldn't. Not while his wife was upset in their bedroom.

"Everything is fine, Leonard, thank you."

"Then why did the door just slam so hard that it woke up my son?" Leonard asked, crossing his arms. Irritation creeping into his voice.

"Leonard," Sheldon pleaded, "please, we're ok."

About to interject again, Leonard was cut off by the sound of Amy's agitated voice ringing out from the bedroom.

"NO! Listen to me, mother! I have probably had this since I was a kid! And I begged, and begged, and begged you to take me to a doctor but you never did! I knew something was wrong, and you didn't do anything about it! And now, I can't give my husband the one thing I should be able to give him! I can't give my husband children, Mother! And maybe going to the doctor wouldn't have cured me but at least I would have known! That way I could have spared myself the pain of seeing Sheldon's devastated face as the doctor tells us we may never have children! This all could've been avoided if you just listened to me! Why couldn't you just listen to me?!"

As Amy finished, she could be heard breaking down into a puddle of sobs.

Penny walked into the apartment; her son cradled in her arms. "What is going on in here?"

Without a word, Sheldon bolted up from the couch, ignoring his two best friends calling out after him, and into the bedroom. Amy was on the floor at the foot of their bed. Her back was to the door, but her body was shaking violently with sobs. Her knees were tucked under her body and she had her head bowed toward the ground. The shorter hair cut aided in concealing her face, but as he approached her, he could see the streaks of makeup where the tears had stained her face. The phone laying in front of her, still connected with Mrs. Fowler. She wasn't on speaker, but Sheldon could hear her calling out to her daughter.

Sheldon gingerly knelt down in front of his wife, looking up as Leonard and Penny stood in the doorway.

Picking up the phone, he spoke with briefly Mrs. Fowler.

"Hi, Mrs. Fowler, it's Sheldon- Yes, I know- I won't leave her alone, I promise- Yes, we'll call you back once things settle down- talk to you later? Ok, bye."

Throwing her phone onto the vicinity of their bed, he gathered his wife into his arms. Immediately she clung to him, her arms wound tightly around his waist. Sheldon held her head to his chest while he rubbed her back consolingly. He could feel her tears soaking the front of his shirt; and on any other occasion he would have cared. But all he could focus on was getting her to calm down. Mindlessly he rocked them back and forth, not only to try and calm her down, but to also try and keep it together.

Resting his chin atop her head, he shushed her. He felt the tears gathering in his own eyes before he caught Leonard and Penny's. Despite not knowing what was going on, they too had moisture pooling in their eyes. He buried his face in Amy's hair, allowing himself to cry with his wife. To share in her grief. In sickness and in health.

As her breathing slowed, Sheldon felt her relax against his chest. She pressed her full weight into him, her hands coming off his back to play with the fabric on the front of his t-shirt.

"I'm so sorry, Sheldon," she murmured against his chest, tears continuing to spill over her cheeks.

"Don't," he whispered sharply, his grip on her tightening. "Don't you dare apologize, there's nothing you could've done."

Amy gripped the front of his t-shirt tightly, she tried to look for the right thing to say, but her words just ended up coming out a choked sob.

"Come on," Sheldon said, rising to his feet. "Let's go get you cleaned up." He stretched his hand out to her, something she gladly took. Standing on her feet proved to be a challenge, and she immediately collapsed onto the bed.

For the first time, Amy looked to Leonard and Penny, who were still in the doorway. Noticing that Penny held baby Isaac in her arms, she cast her eyes back down to her lap. How desperately she wanted that.

Penny caught onto the subtle action and handed their son to Leonard. Amy was never cold to the infant's presence. So, while she didn't know what was going on, Penny knew she had to find out what was bothering her bestie.

"Sheldon, why don't you let me help her," Penny offered, stepping toward the couple. When the man in question looked as though he was going to object, she pulled him off the side. "Sweetie, you aren't going to help her while you're like this. Why don't you go out into the living room with Leonard, and I'll take care of Amy?"

Sheldon shot a glance to his wife. Penny was right, he couldn't help her; he too was a wreck. With a sad "Ok" he followed Leonard into the living room, closing the door behind him.

Penny turned to her best friend. Even when she had broken up with Sheldon, Penny had never seen her so sad. However, having a confidant then had proved to be a lifesaver for Am; Penny decided it was time to be her figurative life saver again.

"Want to tell me what's going on?" She asked, sitting next to Amy on the edge of the bed.

Amy didn't react to her, just kept her glance cast down at her hands. Trying to get her to talk, Penny nudged her shoulder with her own. It took a few moments, but finally, Amy drew a shaky breath and answered Penny's question. "I may never have a child."

Penny's eyes widened at her confession. Before she could interject, Amy continued. "We saw the doctor again today, said it was endometriosis. That the condition has caused scar tissue that may prevent me from getting pregnant." The words flowed from her bitterly, but that didn't stop the grief that spread throughout her body.

"When did you guys decide to start trying?"

"Shortly after we got back from Sweden," Amy responded, finally meeting Penny's eyes sadly.

Reaching for her hand, Penny asked, "why didn't you tell me?"

"We didn't figure this would be an issue for us. You and Bernadette got pregnant on a whim, I didn't think Sheldon and I would be much different," Amy said, rising from her spot on the bed. Her entire demeanor shifted from sad to bitter.

And Penny wanted to be offended by that, but when all the evidence presented itself, she could see why Amy felt the way she did. Both her and Bernadette got pregnant so quickly, with children they weren't sure they wanted at first. Meanwhile, it was proving to be a struggle for Amy, the one who wanted it more than any of them. And after having a child of her own, Penny was deeply saddened that her bestie couldn't make it happen for herself.

But as she reflected on Amy's behavior over the last few months, Penny could see that she made it clear the entire time. Whenever they got together for girl's night, Penny and Bernadette would bond over the agony of pregnancy while Amy sat quietly in her chair. Or when Isaac was born, the aura that Amy gave off was sad, not joyful. Beneath the smile that she bestowed upon the newborn, there was grief.

"Is that why you looked so sad when Isaac was born?" Penny asked, watching Amy's eyes widen at her question.

"You noticed that?"

"Not at first. But looking back on it, you were not happy that day."

Amy hung her head between her shoulders as her palms rested on the surface of the dresser. "It had been seven months at that point. Sheldon and I both could not figure out why it wasn't happening for us," she said, turning around to rest back against the wooden furniture. Crossing her arms, she continued, "Sheldon and I were so happy for you, Penny. Don't doubt that. But unfortunately, I think both him and I shared a little resentment that it was you instead of us. I'm sorry."

Echoing Sheldon's words from earlier, she said, "don't apologize." Moving closer to Amy, Penny wrapped her in a hug. "You shouldn't ever have to apologize for how you feel. And this is no exception."

"But- "

"No, don't. You didn't ruin the day for me, you AND Sheldon decided to hide your feelings for my sake. That was a very selfless thing to do for me, but if that was what was going through your mind that day, then I can't be mad at you."

Pulling back from their hug, Penny brushed an errant strand of hair away from Amy's face. "You and Sheldon are going to figure this out," she reassured her. "You always do."

"I don't think this something that can be figured out," Amy said, turning to reach into her pajama drawer. "The doctor said it was highly unlikely that I would ever become pregnant." Pulling out a pair of sweats and an old t-shirt of Sheldon's, she turned back to Penny.

"I used to say the same thing about Sheldon and sex, but here we are!" Penny refuted, causing Amy to smirk. "There is still a chance, Amy. You have hold onto that."

Still, though, Amy had her doubts, she knew the statistics for people with her condition. Yet, countless women, with the same diagnosis, have defied the odds and had multiple children.

"Amy, listen to me," Penny begged, grasping her attention once more. "You and Sheldon are not alone in this. You have a group of friends that love and care for you; who would bend over backward to make sure you are happy. Please don't feel like you guys have to do this alone."

Amy smiled, sadly. "Thank you, Penny, but I really think this is something that Sheldon and I need to figure out on our own," she said.

"Is it because you think we don't understand?" Penny asked. Her best friend didn't answer, just cast her eyes downwards and turned to face the wall. "Amy, you don't need us to understand, you just need us to listen. You've been suffering from this for nine months, and you haven't had a soul to talk to."

"Sheldon's here," Amy protested quietly.

"He's too close to this, sweetie," Penny shot back, moving to her side so she could look at Amy's face. "You need someone who's not on the inside to confide in. Sure, Bernadette and I may not understand what you're going through, but we can still listen with sympathy."

Amy scoffed, "I don't need sympathy."

"What do you need then?"

"I don't know," Amy snapped, her voice raising. "I am still trying to process the fact that my body can't perform the one task it is meant to do."

"Ok," Penny said with a nod. "If you need time to process, we will give you time to process. But we are not going to let you isolate yourself, that won't help anything."

Amy looked at Penny for a moment. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that Penny got in and she didn't, but Amy knew that grief was selfish. It was going to make her believe things that weren't true. She shouldn't resent Penny because of Isaac's existents, but somehow, she did. And Penny could see that, but she was still there for her. She wasn't yelling, or shooting expletives at her. While Penny did not have the first-hand experience, she was still trying to be understanding and helpful. Words were empty, Amy knew that not a single word could escape her mouth to display how much gratitude she was feeling. To show Penny just how thankful she was to have such a supportive friend.

Although they had already hugged once, Amy knew it was the only way to show haw grateful she was for Penny's support. Silently, Amy wrapped her into another hug. Penny happily obliged her.

"I'm so sorry, Amy," Penny whispered, barely audible.

If the room hadn't been silent, Amy wouldn't have heard it, but she did. Sliding her eyes closed, a couple tears escaped from them, landing on Penny's shoulder.

Pulling away from her, Penny took note of how disheveled Amy looked. Her hair a fright, mascara stains on both cheeks, clothes a wrinkly mess. But she knew it was wholly justified. "My god, you look like a mess," she teased with a wet chuckle, her hands trying to fix the messy mane atop Amy's head.

The neurobiologist laughed. "Thanks a lot," she replied dryly.

"Come on, let me help you clean up," Penny said, taking her hand and leading her back to the bed so she could go grab a washcloth from the bathroom.

* * *

While Penny helped Amy, the boys in the living room were having a very similar conversation to the girls.

"Buddy, you and Amy are going to figure this out. I've said it before, but you two are individually the smartest people I know, together you can do anything."

"Leonard, this is not a matter of 'figuring it out,'" Sheldon responded, holding his head in his hands. "If it was as simple as that, do you think we would have gone to see that doctor?"

Sighing and looking down at his son, Leonard formulated his next words. "No, Sheldon, I don't think you would have needed to go see that doctor. But you and Amy have defied the odds on many occasions."

He continued. "Look at your Nobel prize." Sheldon's eyes drifted over to the pair of gold medals that sat so proudly on display. "When that Russian paper came to light, you didn't let that stop you. In fact, you came with an even bigger theory than the one you were originally proposing. Or when Pemberton and Campbell tried to rob you of the Nobel, did you just sit back and watch them take it? No! You fought back. You overcame. And look, there the medals sit, proof that you and Amy are the dream team."

Snapping his head up, Sheldon nearly began shouting, however, when he saw the infant sleeping in Leonard's arms he held back. Reaching out to stroke the baby's head, Sheldon felt himself getting emotional again. "This is not a matter of fighting back against something. This is us versus biology, no matter what we do, science will always have the upper hand."

He pulled his hand back from the baby in Leonard's arms. His face looked resigned. "Maybe it's better this way, I wouldn't have made a very good father anyway."

Leonard's mouth hung open at Sheldon's confession. He was never one to admit to being bad at something; for him to concede that he would make a terrible father seemed to hit Leonard harder than he thought. "You can't mean that," Leonard said, softly. His free hand reaching to pat his best friend on the back.

"I have held Isaac for a grand total of 10 minutes. Why did I ever think I could have a child of my own when I can't even hold yours?"

Looking down at his son and then back up at Sheldon, Leonard felt the need to prove him wrong. Even though he'd only held him once, Sheldon made it seem effortless. His arm that cradled the baby's head provided the perfect elevation while still supporting his neck. He had let the small child wrap his tiny hand around his long, slender fingers, squeezing them as tightly as he needed to.

"Take him," Leonard said suddenly, extending his arm out for Sheldon to take Isaac.

"Leonard, - what?"

The infant whimpered in protest as Leonard placed him into Sheldon's arms; however, he relaxed instantly against the physicist's chest. Looking up at him with wide blue eyes. Isaac seemed so content there in the crook of his arm.

At two months old, the baby was still small, but he was starting to move on from the newborn stage. Sheldon could see both Penny and Leonard in him. Over the past nine months, Sheldon had often thought of what his and Amy's child would look like. If it was a boy, would it look like him? Or a girl, would it look like her? Would the child have his unusually pointed ears? Or Amy's, aesthetically pleasing rounded ones. Would their personality be the perfect combination of them both? Or would they be more like one than the other?

"We may never know." He had meant to say it in his head, however, without realizing it, he had voiced his thoughts aloud.

"What?"

Looking up at Leonard, Sheldon realized he had said his statement out loud. "Just that, I've thought a lot about what our kid would look like. Turns out we may never know," he said, his voice drifting off sadly.

Leonard leaned back into his seat on the couch. He tried to imagine what it would be like to live in Sheldon and Amy's situation. True, he would never be able to understand it entirely, but he could imagine their pain. He would assume it would be the equivalent of if someone took Isaac from him. The very thought made his stomach twist inside of him.

"Listen to me, Sheldon," Leonard demanded, his voice authoritative yet gentle at the same time. "You will make a wonderful father someday; I know you will. And I know this because you don't quit when things get rough, at least where Amy is concerned. Did the doctor say it would never happen? No. She just said it makes it more difficult for you guys…"

"She also said there is a possibility it may never happen," Sheldon interrupted, his gaze going back to the now sleeping child in his arm.

"A possibility, Sheldon! That means you still have a chance. Look I know its uncharted territory for you, and you hate facing the unknown, but if you're not going to do this for yourself, do it for Amy. You owe it to her not to give up; to be the strong one."

Amy.

Even if it had only been for less than an hour, Sheldon felt ashamed to admit that he almost gave up on this. That would be the same as of giving up on her; something he had tried to do before and failed. Leonard was right, he owns this to her. He owns it to her to be the strong one because there will be times when she is weak or will feel like giving up. There will be more negative pregnancy tests, and he owns it to her to try and try again until one comes back positive.

"Hey, how's it going' out here?" Penny's voice cut through his thoughts, he looked up and saw her emerging from the bedroom.

"Fine," Leonard replied, looking up briefly at his wife. "How's Amy?"

"She's ok now. I had to talk her down from the ledge, but she'll be ok."

Sheldon sat quietly on the couch, listening to his best friends converse. While he was allowed to grieve, he could not ignore the toll this must be taking on his wife. But once again, he owes it to her to be the strong one. One of them had to be.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw movement, turning his head to see Amy appearing from the bedroom. She looked positively exhausted. Even more proof that he had to man up.

While she wasn't one to wear pants, she had taken to wearing her only pair of sweats. They hung off her body, and the legs dragged on the floor, yet, Sheldon knew Amy found that comforting. Her shirt, the same gray one he had worn the day he met her. It was long enough to be a dress. Still, Sheldon knew the oversized clothes brought her comfort.

Leonard plucked Isaac from Sheldon's arms as the physicist stood to meet his wife. They stared at each other for a moment before Sheldon turned to the Leonard and Penny. "Can you give us some space?" he asked kindly, not a trace of anger in voice.

"Oh, of course," Leonard replied, cocking his head toward their own apartment, signaling Penny that they have done their part.

Waiting until the door clicked shut behind them, Sheldon waited for them to leave before pulling Amy into his embrace. He cocooned his arms around hers, similar to the way she had after he invited her to Mars with him. He rested his chin atop her head and allowed himself to breathe in her shampoo. Her fingers were running up and down his spine in the sweetest most gentle way possible. Unlike earlier in their bedroom, her body was not shaken with sobs, in fact, her demeanor seemed calmer; more relaxed. He could still feel the tension in her, however. That was the one barrier he knew only he could overcome. He had to quell her fear.

"You know we're going to figure this out, right?" he asked gently.

She nodded against his chest. "Yeah, it's just hard right now."

Sheldon rubbed her back, soothingly. "I know," he whispered, consolingly. "But Dr. Barrett said there's still a chance, and if it doesn't happen naturally, she said we have options. This is just a roadblock, Amy."

He felt her smile against him, her hold on him tightening before releasing him and looking up into his eyes. "I'm sorry I've made this more difficult for us."

"You didn't," Sheldon chuckled, his hand running through the soft hair at the base of her neck, then coming up to rest on her cheek. His thumb stroked the soft skin there. "This is just the hand we've been dealt, and we, unfortunately, have to face it head-on. But we have overcome a lot of hardship before this, it's just another one of those things we have to do."

Amy turned her glance downward, her eyes boring into the green lantern emblem on his chest.

"And, hey," Sheldon continued, hooking his finger under her chin to lift her gaze to his. "I'm ok if we don't have a baby. It would just be the proverbial cherry on top; you're the whole sundae."

"But you love the cherry," Amy retorted, playfully.

Sheldon's face went serious. "Yeah, but I love you more."

Amy gaped at Sheldon's declaration, the same way she always did when he told her of his love. Even after more than two years of marriage, his unwavering love still shocked her.

Pulling his head down to hers, she brought it down just far enough so they could lay their foreheads together. From the angle at which his head was bent, he could perfectly bore his eyes into hers. Whenever they locked eyes like that, the connection between them soared to another level. They channeled emotions through their eyes that couldn't put into words. The depth of their love for one another could only be truly understood that way; it was stripped down bare for them. A vision only they could see.

Sheldon's hands had migrated down to her hips, where his grip was firm but gentle. Meanwhile, her fingers were busy playing with the short hair at the back of his neck. Their eyes never left each other.

Tilting his head forward, Sheldon pressed a gentle kiss upon Amy's lips. It was delicate and short, but it told her all she needed to know. "We're going to get through this; we'll be fine."

After he pried his lips away from hers, he tenderly squeezed her hip bones, his head falling off hers and onto her clavicle. "We got this, Amy. We're the dream team," he whispered, his thumbs tracing circles on her hips.

For the second time that night, she chuckled. How Sheldon could make her laugh, even in such a difficult situation, she will never know. But somehow he did. "I love you so, much," she responded, he fingers still playing at the nape of his neck.

"As do I, my dear, as do I," he said, laying yet another kiss upon her, this time landing on her shoulder.

"Hey," she called, bringing his attention back to her face. "What we turn in for the night? I just want to hold you."

Apparently being married meant that Sheldon and Amy's thoughts were also the same. There was nothing he wanted more than to hold his wife close while they mutually comforted one another. "They do say that brilliant minds think alike."

"So, is that a yes?" She asked, extending her hand out to him.

Happily taking it, he followed his wife into their shared room. "I must say, Amy, you look rather dashing in that old shirt of mine," he observed as he shut the door behind them.

"Oh, then perhaps, you should give me more of them so that I can wear them all the time."

"Maybe I will," he said teasingly, as he changed into his pajamas. Once he did, he climbed into bed to meet his wife, who was already there waiting for him.

Draping an arm over her waist, he pulled her closer so that they were chest to chest. They often woke up in the very same position, even though they fell asleep on opposite sides of the bed. Being seasoned professionals, they knew that if both of them had an arm around the other's waist, that meant that they hold their free hand's together. Placing his palm against hers, he marveled at how tiny her hand was compared to his.

However, the size of her hands was not the only thing on his mind. The conversation with Leonard and Dr. Barrett were still running rampantly through his mind. Even though he had already told her they were ok, a part of him couldn't believe his own words. Because he didn't know what the feature was going to hold for them. It could be harrowing, and it scared him. But he also vowed to himself to be the strong one. For Amy.

Amy could tell that his incredible mind was troubled. His eyebrowed creased together, almost putting Leonard's to shame. His lips pursed so tightly that they almost disappeared. Of course, she knew what the problem was, it couldn't be anything else.

"It's ok, my love," she said, tearing through his rampage of thoughts.

"What?"

"We'll have plenty of time to talk later. Right now, I just want you to relax with me. Let go for tonight. Because like you said 'it will be ok.'"

Pressing his head into the pillow, he sighed with contentment. "Rest now, talk later," Amy whispered, her eyes starting to feel weighed down with exhaustion.

Sheldon watched her as she fell asleep. Her body, melting to a state of perfect calm there in his arms. He knew he wasn't far behind, but he basked in every second he watched his perfect wife.

It wasn't long before he too fell into a deep, peaceful sleep. They stayed in the same position all night like their unconscious mind knew they were safe where they were.

Yet, even in the unconsciousness of sleep, Sheldon was confident of one thing. They were the dream team.

* * *

**A/N: To be continued...**

**Thank you so much for reading :) **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: It has been a hot second, and I sincerely apologize. But I do genuinely hope you all enjoy this next ****installment :)**

* * *

Sheldon bought Amy a cat.

Well, a kitten, to be exact. And it would be both theirs. But Sheldon bought Amy a cat.

The decision was one he was thinking about for a long time, long before the whole ordeal with fertility became an issue. He contemplated adopting one for their wedding, then their anniversary, then as a gift when they won the Nobel. But he was so busy that he never had the time to get around to it. However, ever since their last visit with Dr. Barrett, Sheldon seemed to have nothing but time on his hands.

Even so, it took him weeks of research before he finally decided to take the trip down to the humane society. There was an abundance of cats and kittens waiting for him there. The volunteers generously brought in cat after cat, but none of them were good enough. Until one brought in a tiny orange kitten, small enough for him to hold with one hand. At first, Sheldon was afraid that the little animal would remind him too much of Garfield. However, the second the tiny kitten was placed into his arms, the thought flew out the window. Her vibrant orange fur reminded him of a cup of juice that he would typically have with breakfast.

Of all the cats that had been presented to him, all of them seemed indifferent to his presence. However, this one immediately curled into his hand when the volunteer placed her there. Sheldon almost couldn't believe that a creature would find such comfort in his arms; after all, he wasn't the warmest of people. However, when he pulled her closer to his chest, the tiny kitten immediately nuzzled into him.

Amy would love her.

Who was he kidding? He already loved her.

Despite his better judgment and the nagging feeling that he needed to talk to Amy first, Sheldon decided to fill out the forms for adoption.

One of the staff went over basic care for the kitten, but he wasn't listening. All he could do was look at the small cat, still nuzzled into his chest, sleeping happily, trying to deduce how to explain this Amy. He knew he probably should have discussed it with her first, but things have been so complicated for them he figured this would be a way to get her to smile.

After signing the needed paperwork and paying the required fees, Sheldon found himself in an uber back to his apartment. The kitten, still unnamed, curiously taking in her surroundings. She climbed up onto his shoulder, watching the scenery pass by through the window. Confused, she mewed into his ear, and he grabbed her from his shoulder. When she snuggled into his chest this time, it was more out of fear than of comfort.

"We'll be home soon, little one," he whispered to her, his thumb rubbing small circles on the side of her belly. "Then you'll be able to meet Mommy. I have no doubt that she's going to love you. If she can love someone as difficult as me, you should be a piece of cake. Well, not literally, but you know what I mean," he spoke gently. The little buddle looking up at him vacantly, not understanding a word of what was being spoken to her. He continued anyway, "She really is the best, you'll see when we get home."

"She's an amazing cook, maybe she'll make you a fish if you're nice enough. She also plays the harp. I say I don't like it, but I have bravado to keep up, you know. She's also loyal to a fault, so, if you get into any mischief, she'll be right there to back you up. Just ask your aunt Penny, she'll tell you." Sheldon paused, not like he was trying to figure out what to say next, but rather, to envision the next thing on his list.

"She has the best smile. I haven't seen it much lately, but trust me whenever she smiles, the room feels warmer."

The soothing sound of his voice lulled the kitten back to sleep. Her head resting on his chest still tilted up towards him. Sheldon figured it was a good sign that he was able to calm the anxious kitten despite not knowing what the hell he was doing.

The rest of the ride was spent in a comfortable silence. The driver, thankfully, was not chatty. Still, Sheldon did not miss the curious glances he would shoot him during the duration of the drive.

When they pulled up to the curb of his apartment building, Sheldon shot the driver a quick 'thank you' before he exited the vehicle. Waking the sleeping kitten once again, who took in yet another strange environment.

"Hey, buddy!" The driver called out after him as he retreated into his home. Sheldon turned back to the black sedan he just got out of, seeing that the window was down, and the driver was leaning into the passenger's seat. "She's going to love him," he said, before rolling up his widow and driving away.

Sheldon watched the car turn the corner down the street. The man didn't know Amy, not even in the slightest. However, the conviction in his voice fooled Sheldon into believing that the driver had known his Amy for a lifetime. Maybe it was his soulful description of his wife? Or perhaps the way his eyes lit up when he talked about her, that revealed it all?

Sheldon would never know, but the stranger's confidence had boosted his own. Determined, he straightening his shoulder's, Sheldon turned toward the building. He tightened his hold on the small animal as he reached into his pocket for the key. Sheldon fumbled with them for a moment before he managed to get the door open.

The elevator door dinged, and two people emerged through its doors. Well, three, if you count baby Isaac gurgling in his mother's arms.

"Oh, hey, Sheldon…" Leonard greeted, his voice carrying off at the end when he noted the orange fluff in Sheldon's palm. His eyes darted back and forth between the cat and Sheldon's expression. He even briefly glanced around for any more felines that Sheldon may have acquired, fearing that he had begun collecting again. "Who's your friend?" Leonard asked, not willing to admit that he was, in fact, afraid of the answer.

"Amy's cat."

Now it was Penny's turn to sputter. "You bought Amy a cat?" she asked incredulously.

"First of all, I did not buy, I adopted." Some things would never change. "And second of all, yes, I adopted Amy, a cat."

"Why? I haven't heard Amy mention anything about wanting a cat," Leonard said, adjusting the diaper bag on his shoulder.

Sheldon shrugged, casting his eyes down to the feline. "You haven't because she hasn't. This is supposed to be a surprise for her, she has no idea that I went to the humane society today."

Penny's eyes nearly bulged out of her head. "You didn't talk to her before doing this? That's so unlike you, Sheldon," she said, observing the way he so delicately handled the adorable bundle in his arms.

"I know, but Amy's been so down the last few weeks I wanted to do something that would cheer her up," Sheldon said.

Leonard and Penny short each other a look.

"Well," Leonard said after a few moments. "I'm sure you know what you're doing."

Sheldon nodded curtly. "I do," he said with his confident bravado but soft demeanor he only used when talking about his wife.

Leonard then turned to the elevator; the doors had closed, but the indicator above had not moved since. "Then, by all means, my friend," he said, pushing the up button to which the doors immediately slid open.

Sheldon stepped inside the cab before he turned back to his friends, watching and observing him as he pressed the button for the fourth floor. Seconds before the door shut, he saw Leonard and Penny flash him the tiniest of smiles. However, Sheldon could see the concern behind them. Brief as they may be, the lack of trust and confidence that Leonard and Penny had for him made his insecurity skyrocket.

Was he trying to replace something that never existed with a cat? Sheldon didn't think so but did Leonard and Penny. Is that how they viewed it? Would Amy see it that way? The topic of progeny had become all but taboo for the two of them, was a cat Sheldon's way of expressing frustration? Was he frustrated? What happened to the Sheldon who had all the answers?

The short elevator ride cut his line of questioning short. Thank goodness, any longer, and who knows where his mind would have taken him.

He hadn't been nervous before, but suddenly he was. His mind was flooded with uncertainty, and he was beginning to wonder if he should turn around and take the kitten back. He had made a rash decision, one that would affect the way he and his wife lived their life. It should've been discussed before he took action.

"She's going to love him." The driver's words rung in his ears, repeating themselves over and over again until he believed them once again. Bringing forth once again the confidence he had before Leonard and Penny tore it down, and his own self-deprecation got the better of him.

He had faith in himself again, much like when he proposed to Amy, or married her, or stood up to Pemberton and Campbell because they wanted to cut her out. He was doing this for Amy, she was his constant, it would be ok. "She's going to love him."

The kitten remained asleep in his hand, curled up so tightly she seemed to have shrunk. If that was even possible. Looking down at her, watching the rhythmic breathing of her slumber brought Sheldon momentary peace. It calmed him just enough to open the door of the apartment he shared with his wife.

His wife, who was curled up on the couch, the afghan over her lap, reading Little House. He knew her well enough to know that was her comfort book. The one she always fell back on, looked to for comfort, found it, and stayed there. She represented the security brought on by the book physically, creating a nest for herself in the corner of the teal blue couch. Her hair was pulled back into a half ponytail, no longer able to do a full one with the shorter haircut. She wore the largest cardigan she owned, the one Sheldon always said swallowed her whole. From her perch in the crook of the couch, she splayed her legs off to the side. The afghan, usually on the back of the sofa, now draped over her legs all the way up to her waist. She rested her head on her hand, which was supported by her elbow on the armrest. Her other hand held a cup of tea, another thing she fell back on.

Everything about her spoke comfort, yet, Sheldon knew that she was trying to find solace. Trying to forget about the last month of their lives. Without a baby or a solution. Sheldon knew because he'd spent the last month being strong for her. Suppressing his own feelings and helping her deal with her own.

She looked up at him the moment he crossed the threshold. "Hi," she said quietly after she saw it was only him, her eyes finding the pages of her book once again.

"Hello," he greeted back, carefully shutting the door behind him, not wanting to disturb the sleeping kitten in his hand. "Little House, again I see," he said, more questioning than anything.

She didn't respond, only nodded her head, her eyes glued to the words on the page. Despite him standing near the door, unmoving, she didn't seem to want any type of communication. Which complicated the way he had planned surprising her with their new companion.

He cleared his throat. "Hey, um, I have something for you." That perked her up right away. Not knowing what else to do, he kneeled next to her spot on the couch and stretched out his arm, presenting the kitten to his beloved.

The mug slipped in her hand when she realized what he was holding. Gracefully, he took it from her and set it on the coffee table. With two free hands, she extended her arms towards him, but the gesture was not for him. No, it was for their new furry companion. Amy kept her mouth hung open as she drew the kitten closer to her chest. This awoke the feline, who squirmed in his wife's arms but did not fight her off. In fact, she pawed at the fabric of Amy's cardigan curiously.

Amy tore her eyes off the cat and back to Sheldon, tears forming beneath her glasses. And for the first time in a long time, they were not shed because she was sad. No, he had made her happy. Finally, he had made her smile.

"Do you like her?" Sheldon asked, gently running his finger down the kitten's spine.

"Sheldon, she's adorable," she gushed, nuzzling the cat's fur. "I love her!"

Sheldon smiled, gently reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of Amy's face. He twirled the short tress of hair around his finger as he watched Amy handle their new kitten so perfectly. Holding her just tight enough so that she wouldn't fall, but loose enough to keep her comfortable. Letting the cat nestle and relax into her bosom, just as a child would.

And just like that, the smile slid from Sheldon's face. She would be the perfect mother, she deserved it more than anyone. And… yet.

Sheldon swallowed the lump that grew in his throat. He couldn't fall apart, no, he needed to be the strong one… for her.

"Sheldon?" Amy beckoned him, her eyes showing concern and confusion over his sudden, sullen expression.

"I'm glad you love her," he said quickly before rushing to sit next to her on the couch.

Shifting the cat to one side, she reached her hand out to cup his cheek. "You ok?" She asked.

He gently closed his eyes and leaned into her hand. He could feel the wave of emotion that he had been fighting off ever since Dr. Barrett gave them the news coming at him with full force. He'd had his moments alone… in the bathroom… where his wife wouldn't see him being weak. However, most of the time, he was busy keeping it together for Amy. In his opinion, rightfully so, she was devastated after they found out. After Leonard's pep talk that first day, Sheldon knew he needed to buck up… for Amy.

He opened his eyes to meet Amy's concerned ones. He immediately sobered up at the sight of his wife, gently handling their new 'child' while cupping his cheek gently. He took his own hand and peeled hers away from his face, squeezing it gently. "Yes," he whispered, laying a gentle kiss on her fingers. "I am ok."

Sheldon gulped and looked back to their cat. "So, what are we going to name this little lady?" He asked, gingerly running a finger down the feline's back.

"Could name her Zazzles?" Amy suggested, a playful smile spreading across her face.

Sheldon shivered in distaste. "Lord, no. Besides, she's not very… Zazzy."

The couple laughed before a comfortable silence fell over them. Sheldon continued to stroke the cat's back. His eyebrows furrowed in concentration. He had a name in mind, but he was sure that Amy would shoot it down.

Throwing caution to the wind, he spoke in a low voice: "What about Pond?"

"Pond? Like from Dr. Who?" Amy questioned.

Sheldon gaped at his wife, both shocked and happy that she immediately understood his reference. "I-I mean if you're ok with it, I don't know. With the color of her fur, I thought the name would fit. If you want to-"

Amy held a finger up to his lips to quiet him. While, yes, the brightly colored fur fit perfectly with the kitten's new name. Amy knew that was not the only motivation behind Sheldon's reasoning. He had Amy already; all he needed was Pond. Now he had both.

"Sheldon, I think Pond is perfect."

Rising to join her on the couch, Amy fell back into the cradle of the sofa. She welcomed his head into her lap. He stared up at her as she worked her fingers through his hair. Every so often, he would close his eyes and hum in appreciation.

Pond seemed to take notice of this and worked her way out of Amy's tight embrace. On unsteady feet, she climbed down to Sheldon's head to where Amy's fingers were intertwined in his hair. As Amy's fingers slid through his hair, Pond would bat her paw at her hand. Amy smiled at the kitten's newfound playfulness. Deciding to play along, Amy began to tap the top of Sheldon's head, which only encouraged her more. Every time her hand rose, Pond tried to attack. Attempting to pull Amy's fingers into her tiny mouth.

Sheldon began to laugh at the encounter, as did Amy. This only served to confuse poor Pond as she tried to then stick her paw in Sheldon's open mouth. Shocked at this invasion to his oral cavity, Sheldon sunk his head further into Amy's lap, trying to escape Pond's tiny paw. Amy laughed harder as Sheldon began to spit away any hair that might have gotten into his mouth.

All the while, Pond, who had gotten bored of trying to assault her parents, made her way to the edge of the couch. She was poised, ready to jump. However, every time she was about to, she backed down, too afraid to make the leap. She looked at Sheldon expectantly. Taking pity on her, he took hold of her and gently laid on the ground, leaving her to wander the apartment.

The feeling melancholy draped over the couple as Sheldon settled back into his wife's lap. Taking her hand in his, he let himself bask in their silence. Grateful that, for what seemed like the first time in a month, he'd seen her smile. Genuinely smile.

"Hey," Amy whispered before he could let himself get carried away in thought. "I made an appointment with Dr. Barrett while you were gone."

He tilted his head curiously. "You did? I thought you weren't ready yet."

Amy brushed her free hand across his forehead. "I thought I wasn't, but this last month has been horrible. If there's a way to fix this, I want to do it."

Sheldon frowned at her, trying to deduce her emotions. "I want you to be ready, Amy," he said gently, holding her fingers tighter in his.

"I am," she said quietly, conviction hiding behind its softness. "I've been ready since the first appointment, but I just needed a break."

Sheldon nodded in understanding. "I just want you to be ready, that's all," he said, stroking her knuckles in a gesture to reassure her.

"I really am," she whispered, tightening her hold on his hand.

* * *

Amy was anxious. He could tell by the way her knees bounced off one another as they awaited the arrival of Dr. Barrett. Her eyes scanned the familiar office as she sat in the same chair she did over a month ago. He watched as she rolled his grandmother's ring around on her finger, twisting and pulling in nervous anticipation.

"Hey," Sheldon said softly, reaching over to take her hand. "It's going to be ok."

Amy let out a shaky breath, letting him brush his thumbs over her knuckles. "I know that it's just…" her voice trailed off, unable to find the right words.

"It's a lot," he finished for her, and she nodded in agreement.

Silence overtook them once again, but this time not as tense. Sheldon held her hand firmly in his lap even as she resumed bouncing her legs. He'd gotten much better at determining what his wife was feeling. Ever since they got married, it became like a second language to him. He knew Angry Amy, Happy Amy, Sad Amy, and Disappointed Amy like they were the back of his hand. However, in that office, he couldn't place the emotion that was radiating off of her. It was a type of anxiety that wanted to be happy. Still, fear of the unknown was overwhelming whatever hope she had inside of her.

He was about to open his mouth and ask her when the soft knocking of Dr. Barrett interrupted his thoughts.

"Dr. Cooper, Dr. Fowler," she greeted happily as she entered the office. "It is so good to see the two of you in here again." The Doctor was beaming at them as she took a moment to shake both of their hands before taking her own seat behind the desk. "So, I am assuming you've two have had time to talk and think about what to do?"

Think? Yes. Talk? No. That seemed to be their folly over the last month, their greatest downfall. He would listen to her and get her through the tough days, but talk, mutually talk, it was something he thought they lacked in.

Amy disagreed. "We have," she answered. "and it's been a hard month; I'm not going to lie. But I think we're both ready to see what the next step should be."

"That's good. I'm glad you guys decided to take some time because this an unfortunate situation." Dr. Barrett opened a folder that sat in front of her. "Thankfully, there are options out there. I'm not expecting a decision to be made today, but I do think it's important for us to go over our options together so that you two have a better idea about what we're dealing with."

Amy squeezed Sheldon's hand tightly as he still held her's in his lap. She nodded in agreement. "Alright."

"Before we start, do either of you have any questions?" Dr. Barrett asked, leaning back in her chair almost casually.

Sheldon looked at Amy for a moment before he faced the woman behind the desk. "If we were to do nothing, no medical intervention, what are the chances we could conceive naturally?"

Dr. Barrett sighed. "With the way things are looking now," she stopped to think for a moment. "I'd say you have about a 0 to 30 percent chance of conceiving on your own without help. Now, that's not to say you couldn't walk out of here right now and go get pregnant. You can, but with endometriosis comes the increased risk of miscarriage."

By now, Amy had his hand in a vice grip. "So, what are our other options, then?"

"Well, there's surrogacy-"

"No," Amy interjected before the doctor could get any further.

"Amy," Sheldon tried.

"No," she said forcefully. "If we are going to have a baby, I will be the one to carry them. No one else."

Dr. Barrett nodded her head in understanding. "Amy, that's ok, if you don't want it, then we don't have to discuss it."

Amy swallowed thickly and closed her eyes, uttering a soft "Thank you" for the other woman's understanding.

"So, taking that off the table, looking at your case, I think there are three options that are worth taking a look at. Two of which being Intrauterine Insemination and In Virto Fertilization." The doctor stopped and handed them two pamphlets, one marked IUI and the other IVF. "So, with IUI, we would ask to come in when you're ovulating, and then with a collected sperm sample from your husband, we inseminate through a tube. It's the closest thing to being natural without being natural."

"I'm sensing a 'but' in there," Sheldon chimed in, noting how the Doctor didn't seem particularly hopeful about this course of treatment.

Dr. Barrett leaned forward, intertwining her hands on the desk in front of her. "Yes, and that's because we're putting our luck in that both the egg and sperm are going to make it where they need to be and culminate in a pregnancy."

"But IVF would take those factors out of the equation," Sheldon commented, knowing a little about the procedure himself.

"Exactly, with us actually going in to retrieve the egg and then fertilize In Vitro, it's taking the uterus out the equation, at least for the first part."

A groan of disapproval came from the chair next to Sheldon. Two pairs of eyes looked over to Amy, who had been quiet for some time. She made no move to look at either of them as she rested her head in her hand over on the armrest, rubbing at her temple.

"Amy? Are you ok?" Dr. Barrett asked as Amy made no move to speak.

Opening her eye to look at the doctor, Amy finally sighed. "You said there was a third option?"

"Yes," Dr. Barrett replied, turning her attention solely on Amy. "Like, I said earlier, the chances of miscarriage are greatly increased with this condition. In more mild cases, I'd say go ahead and try IUI or IVF, but considering how severe yours is, I'm doubtful that even if you were to get pregnant, that you'd be able to maintain it. However, we can surgically intervene to remove as much scar tissue as possible, greatly increasing the chances you not only getting pregnant but also of you carrying to term."

There was a glint behind Amy's eye that Dr. Barrett did not miss. She continued.

"Doing this procedure might also give you the chance to conceive naturally." The twinkled brightened. "Which from what I know about you seems very important, and if we can try to give you that, I want to try."

Noticeable changes happened in the couple as they processed the information. Amy, who hadn't seemed very invested in either of the first two options, seemed more hopeful and happier as she digested the third. Sheldon, on the other hand, seemed tense as soon as the word 'surgery' made its way into the conversation. His eye began to twitch slightly, and his free hand fidgeted in his lap.

Dr. Barrett handed Amy one more pamphlet this one having 'laparoscopy' written across the front. "I've marked the page on the procedure that would apply to you," she commented as Amy began to flip through the tiny book. "Thankfully, with this surgery, it's minimally invasive, so you'll be able to go home the same day should you chose this course of treatment."

"And this increases the chance of pregnancy by?" Amy inquired, looking up from her lap.

"By at least 50 percent," Dr. Barrett reassured, giving a slight smile as she did so. "And even if you still can't get pregnant naturally, IUI and IVF would be much more effective if you decided to have this procedure."

Amy remained quiet, looking over to Sheldon to gauge his reaction to all the new information. He wouldn't even make eye contact with her, his stare just glued itself to the penholder on Dr. Barrett's desk.

"Sheldon," Amy gently prodded, moving her thumb across his fingers to get his attention. "What do you think?"

He still stared at that damn pen holder. "I think we talk before we make any decisions."

Dr. Barrett nodded. "I agree. Go home, discuss it. You have my number, so, feel free to call me at with any questions you may have."

"Alright," Amy conceded, after a few moments of silence. "Thank you, Dr. Barrett."

* * *

Amy noticed how quiet Sheldon was on the drive home from their appointment. He spent the ride flipping through the three pamphlets that Dr. Barrett had given them. Whenever Amy would ask him a question about what he thought, he would just shrug or mumble under his breath. Something was bothering him, and this was all but confirmed when his scowl intensified as he finally got the to the laparoscopy brochure. Amy didn't miss it either.

"So, what do you think about what Dr. Barrett said?" Amy asked once she entered their apartment behind him and shut the door.

He stopped dead in his tracks, right in the middle of their living room. When he turned to look at her, he spit the words out harsh and determined. "You are not having the surgery."

Amy gaped at him. Never before had she seen him look like this; crazed, angry… terrified. "Sheldon, we can't just rule it out," she argued as he began to pace the floor in front of the couch.

"We can, and I am. You're not having the surgery," he repeated shakily.

Ignoring Pond's mewls at her feet, Amy approached her husband, gingerly placing her hand on his back to try and get him to stop pacing. He snapped away from her touch. She pleaded with her voice. "Sheldon, please, what if we can't have a baby if I don't get the surgery."

"Then we don't have a baby!" He yelled, picking up Pond from Amy's feet and finally sitting on the couch. Stroking the cat's head, he calmed himself down slightly. "There's nothing for me to truly miss if we don't have a child. I don't love any babies; not like I love you. So, I will say it again, we are not having the surgery."

She looked at him incredulously. "We? In the end, it's my body, Sheldon, and if I want to have the surgery, then I damn well will have the surgery."

Tightening his hold on Pond, Sheldon stood to tower over her. "If you think for one millisecond that I would put you in harm's way to have a child, you must not know me very well. I am not and will not EVER decide to risk you for anything." His eyes pierced her, with anger or genuine concern she did not know. Silently, he passed by her and made his way towards the bedroom, taking a protesting kitten with him.

"So, that's it?" She called after him making him halt in his tracks and turn towards her once more. "We're not even going to talk about it? You're just going to make up your mind for us and storm off to our bedroom like a toddler having a tantrum?"

"No, I am giving us both time to think."

Amy stomped over to him, stopping just shy of his person. "We don't need to think, Sheldon, we need to talk about this like adults! And you need to stop acting like you know what we both want!"

Pond leaped out of Sheldon's arms and into the empty bedroom as voices began to rise. Sheldon didn't even notice. "If what we both want is for you to continue living then, yeah, I've made the right decision!"

Amy threw her hands up exasperated. "For crying out loud! A routine procedure is not going to kill me!"

"Sure, just leaves you open to the risk of infection. Or better yet, one slip of the hand, and what was a routine procedure, turns into a full-blown hysterectomy. Then what?!" Sheldon bellows, folding his arms over his chest.

"Then we deal with it! But we cannot just throw the option out of the window simply because you are afraid of some rare variable coming into the equation."

Sheldon took a step toward her, closing the space between them. His voice lowered considerably. "If you love me, you will not do this."

Tears immediately filled Amy's eyes. Hot, angry, sorrowful tears. How dare he? "That's not fair," she strained, shaking her head in dismay. "You do not get to use my love for you as a weapon to win your argument."

Sheldon scoffed. "I need to be alone," he said, retreating to the bedroom once again. Except this time was punctuated with the slam of the door.

Amy stared at her bedroom door in disbelief. What she had expected to be a calm and rational conversation between two intellectual adults turned into an elementary schoolyard fight. How could he use her love for him? The words flowed from his mouth like salt on a paper cut. They intended to cause pain.

Or was she looking at it wrong? Was it possible he was so afraid of some unpreparable outcome that the only way he knew how to shut it down was to use the greatest possession she had? Would he bow out of something that could give them something they wanted if she objected? If 'he loved her like she loved him'?

Confused, she sat down on the couch as her phone binged with a notification. It was a text from Penny.

_P: Hey, how did the appointment go?_

_A: Appointment, fine. Fight in my living room, not fine._

_P: Uh, oh, you want me to come kick his ass?_

_A: No, I'm letting him blow off some steam. We'll talk about it again later._

_P: Why don't you come over and have some wine? I'll invite, Bernie._

_A: What about Isaac?_

_P: I'll just send him and Leonard over to Howards, the kids can have a playdate._

_A: I'll be over in a minute, pour me a glass?_

_P: Got it, see you soon._

Amy turned her phone off and glanced towards the bedroom. It was quiet for the most part, other than the faint sound of candy crush being played on a phone. Chances are, Sheldon wouldn't even notice that she's gone. At least for two hours.

Scribbling a note on a post-it, Amy pressed it to the door for Sheldon to find on the rare occasion that he decided to come out of his hiding spot. At least he has Pond to keep him company, Amy thought.

She exited her apartment just as Leonard was exiting his. Isaac was all bundled in his car seat, ready for the short drive over to Howard and Bernadette's. He was giggling as Leonard playfully jingled the car keys in his face. The sound of his laughter both endearing and taunting her. How she yearned for that.

"Hi," Leonard greeted, stepping aside to let Amy into his apartment. "She's all yours."

She shot him a look of appreciation for his willingness to pack up his son on her behalf. "Thank you, Leonard."

"Anytime," he said as she crossed the threshold. "Penny, please, not too much wine."

The woman in question was waiting for her with two wine glasses in hand. She handed Amy a drink when she approached. "Leonard, we'll be fine. Now get!"

With that, Leonard was gone, carefully closing the door behind him, leaving Penny and Amy standing awkwardly by the door. Both of them cradling a full glass of wine.

"Bernie said she'd be here in 15 minutes," Penny said, tracing the rim of her glass with her finger.

"Ok."

Penny tilted her head as she observed her best friend. The last time she talked to her, Amy had been in such high hopes about the doctor's appointment. Both her and Sheldon. So, why was she so upset only half an hour after she got home? In her text, Amy had mentioned a fight, so, obviously, that was the root cause, but how could Sheldon possibly find a way to fight about this. Something they both wanted.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Penny asked gently.

Amy set her glass down onto the coffee table and flopped back onto the couch into her usual spot. She flung her arm across her forehead, sighing. "If what you want to talk about is how my husband is trying to sabotage any progress we make in the baby department, then, yes, I would like to vent."

Penny came to sit down beside her, folding her leg under her bottom and faced Amy. "Why don't you start from the beginning," She suggested, taking a sip of her wine.

"I don't even know how to start," Amy said, pinching the bridge of her nose. "We had a great doctor's appointment with Dr. Barrett. She gave us some excellent options, but when we got home, Sheldon just lost it because he didn't like one of them."

"What did she suggest?"

"Surgery," Amy replied, ignoring the sharp breath Penny took at her response. "I mean on some level I get it; I remember when Leonard went in for his deviated septum, and all hell broke loose. But this… this was different. He just looked scared; and livid that I would even be considering it. The things he said, Penny, I just…" Amy's anger ignited once again. She lunged forward for the wine glass she had set down and gulped it down quickly.

"Woah," Penny gasped as Amy finished the final drops of the dark red liquid. "What did he say?"

"He basically said that if the surgery is the only way to have a baby, then we don't have one. Oh, and if I love him, I won't have the operation." Amy stopped, playing with the empty glass in her hand. "He used my love for him against me. I never thought he'd do that," she chocked, tears spilling over her cheeks.

"I'm going to kill him," Penny muttered, but Amy didn't hear as she buried her face in her hands and began to cry. "Sweetie, it's ok. You're ok."

Trying to comfort the sobbing woman, Penny wrapped her arm around Amy's shoulders. She'd seen first-hand Amy's love for Sheldon, how deep and pure and genuine it really was. She'd seen Amy bend herself over backward for Sheldon, even when he didn't ask her to do so. That woman would do anything to make Sheldon happy, all because she loved him. Of course, he was smart enough to know that. So, why did he think it was ok to use that to his advantage?

Amy wasn't crying because of what he said. She was grieving the children she was about to give up because she loved Sheldon enough not to do the surgery.

"Alright, let emergency girl's night begin," Bernadette cheered as she waltzed into the apartment. Stopping dead in her tracks when she saw that Amy was still crying. Not even hesitating, Bernadette joined in on 'operation: get Amy to stop crying.'

Finally, after five very long minutes, the sobbing began to ebb away. The two women continued to rub Amy's back while Penny filled in Bernadette on what she'd missed.

"Amy, I'm so sorry… is there anything we can do?" Bernadette asked gently, reaching for the tissue box.

Plucking one from Bernadette's outstretched arm, she mumbled an all but silent, "thank you." Amy wiped away at the moisture on her face, embarrassed that she had broken down so easily.

"Look, Ames," Penny began, handing her another tissue as the one she had started to render itself useless. "I've seen you two grow together over the last month, but I've also seen you struggle. I've watched Sheldon try desperately to cheer you up and fail, so he bought a cat. I've stood by as you both have distanced yourselves from everything and everyone. None of us hold anything against you, we all know how hard it has been lately. Maybe what Sheldon said wasn't meant to hurt you, but rather a culmination of everything that has been going on finally coming to ahead."

"Even if it was, he still shouldn't have said," Amy replied, weakly.

Penny nodded in agreement. "You're right. He shouldn't have, and you need to make him apologize for it. But at the same time, I've known Sheldon for a long time. I know how he bottles everything up and then unleashes it all at once. Maybe this is the proverbial fuse meeting it's end."

"But Sheldon would have told me if he needed help? He wouldn't hide that from me," Amy protested weakly, looking down at her lap.

Bernadette spoke next. "Would he?"

Amy looked up at her sharply, her eyes livid that she would even ask such a thing. However, she almost fell back when she met Bernadette's concerned eyes for the first time that night. They held the same expressions Sheldon's did when they would talk about her anger or sadness over their infertility. Her husband's soft and comforting eyes made it possible for her to open up about her feelings about the situation. But behind Sheldon's eyes was something that Bernadette lacked, an underlying bitterness laced with anger and despair.

Amy replayed every conversation they had. Every word that was spoken between them from the moment they received the news from Dr. Barrett to when he stormed off to their bedroom. Just singled in on his side, trying to see things from his perspective. Realizing how often he would say phrases like "You'll be ok, Amy" and "How are you doing?". Never did he sit there and tell her what he was feeling. Sure, she would ask every now and again, but he wouldn't be transparent with her. She knew from his demeanor and facial cues that he was holding back. She hadn't noticed it then, but as she overanalyzed everything he had said over a month, she saw it. She saw everything he had done over the last month clear as day as if it was new information to her. She saw how he would forgo his own needs in favor of his own. How if she woke up in the middle of the night because she couldn't sleep, he would come out and join her for tea. Even though he was exhausted. How he would bend any way shape or form to try and make her happy, but through her clouded haze of defeat, she physically and emotionally could not return the favor.

She saw how Sheldon took note of this and never asked for anything in return. Ever. He took the little things as victories. Her smiling would make him glow. When she reached for his hand instead of the other way around, he happily took it, caressing her to make sure she felt loved.

Amy's eye filled with tears again. "He never told me," she whispered, not quite loud enough for her friends to hear.

"What?" Penny asked.

"Sheldon," she answered louder this time. "He never said how he was feeling."

Penny and Bernadette shared a glance over Amy's head.

"What do you mean, Sweetie?"

"He was so loving, so attentive. I never just asked him how he was doing out of the blue or made sure that he was ok when he appeared to have a bad day. I never woke up to have tea with him in the middle of the night." Amy buried her face in her hands as Sheldon's outburst started to make more sense. "He wants to protect me. And to him, if I do this surgery, I'm returning the favor by throwing it all back in his face."

Penny, who still held fast to Amy's shoulders, squeezed tightly to get her to look her in the eye. "I think it's more than that."

Amy looked for her to elaborate.

"You're the sun to his Earth. His 0000. His safe place. Nothing Sheldon did for you was out of obligation. He wanted to protect you, yes, but he loves you more than I have seen him love anything. Now, when it comes to surgery, Sheldon's more of a glass-half-empty kind of fella. To him, it means automatic death. He can't risk losing you, he can't. It would be like switching off the sun. He revolves around you; everything is you. He's not just trying to protect you, he's scared. Scared that that one in a million chance is going to happen, and he's going to lose you."

Penny stopped, still maintaining eye contact with Amy, whose tears had begun to fall again. Wiping at the tears rolling fast, she continued. "Just talk to him, really talk to him."

"I couldn't get him to talk in the last 6 weeks, how am I going to get him to talk now?"

This time, Bernadette spoke, "Can I tell you what I think from an outsider's viewpoint?" Amy nodded. "I have never seen a man dote on his wife as much as Sheldon has over the past few weeks. The truth of the matter is, Amy, you were fragile. He was worried. He didn't care that his side wasn't talked about, all he wanted was for you to get better. Going to the doctor today proved to him that you were starting to find your footing again, and something inside him just slipped. We've all watched him hold his head high over the last month; I mean, he was really strong. But I think that now it's your turn to put him back together."

Amy sat quietly, taking in what her friends were saying. Sheldon had been extremely attentive through the whole ordeal, and she wouldn't have made it through without him there to support her. Yet, she still knew when he would sneak off the bathroom to be emotional, or when he would hold her hours after she fell asleep, she knew what the droplets in her hair were.

Why did she think that was enough for him? Sheldon's emotions ran deeper than most people believed, so what lead her to the conclusion that he was okay?

"Just talk to him, Amy," Penny said, breaking through her thoughts. "Before you do anything else, talk to him."

Amy glanced over at the door, knowing that her still angry husband was across the hall. She shouldn't let him wallow for very long, but she also knew to give him his space.

Penny caught onto this and gave Amy an offer she couldn't resist. "Why don't you give him some time to process. Just stay here, and we can watch a few movies or talk, whatever you want."

* * *

Amy returned home that night after her, and the girls had finished off two bottles of wine and a handful of cheesy romantic comedies. Truth be told, she was feeling the buzz of alcohol in her system, but that didn't stop the feeling of regret from her earlier fight with Sheldon seeping through the cracks of her drunkenness.

When she stumbled into their shared bedroom Sheldon was already fast asleep, facing her side of the bed, Pond curled up in his arm like usual. He didn't look peaceful, however, and that broke her heart. Sleep was the one place he could go to where he could chaos that was his brain. It pained her to know that he could not do that tonight; she knew how exhausting it was for him.

Before she retired herself that night, she sat on the edge of the bed, brushing back the hair from his forehead. Gradually, he began to relax against her hand. She wished she could have seen through the façade he wore, then she would've understood it better. But she didn't, and she couldn't turn back time. All she could do was begin the healing process for _him _and help pick up his pieces. Just like he did for her.

She bent down to lay a gentle kiss to his temple. After that she snuggled up close to him, smushing Pond in between them, and fell asleep. This time, she held him, snuggling him as close as she could without suffocating their cat. The beginning of the next chapter.

She woke that morning with a headache. It wasn't the worst hangover she'd ever had, but it certainly was not pleasant. Groaning as she sat up, the smell of bacon and eggs wafted through the air. Amy looked over to Sheldon's side of the bed and found it empty. Unsurprising, considering that Leonard and Penny went out for breakfast on Saturday mornings.

As she padded out into the living area, Sheldon shot her a brief smile from his spot at the stove. "There's coffee and medicine on the table," he said with a gesture of his spatula. "I've already made you a plate, I'll join you shortly."

"Thanks," Amy murmured, picking up said cup of coffee and sipping it gratefully. "You didn't need to make breakfast Sheldon," she commented as he joined her at the table with his usual bowl of oatmeal.

"Please it was the least I could do after I made an ass of myself last night."

Amy's heart clenched as she recalled what the girls had told her last night. _You're the sun to his Earth. His 0000. His safe place. _

He looked tired to say the least. His hair was ruffled and he hadn't even bothered to put a robe on over his pajamas. It was obvious the argument still bothered him, and here he was still making her breakfast and taking care of her.

"About last night, Amy, I-"

Amy put her hand over his. "Sheldon, stop, it's ok. You were frustrated."

He snapped his hand back aggressively. "No, it's not. I have no right, no say, in what happens to you or your body. If want to do this, then I can't stop you," Sheldon whispered, eyeing his oatmeal with too much curiosity.

For the first time, Amy looked beyond his words and found what lay underneath them. Fear, resignation, hopelessness. Probably all overreactions, but to Sheldon were very real. In fact, she's seen him look this way a lot since their first appointment.

She had to fix this. There was no way she was going to have this surgery unless Sheldon was rallied behind her. And right now, he wasn't.

"Sheldon, look at me," She pleaded. He didn't. "Look at me," came again as a soft demand. He did. "You do have a say. I will not do this unless you are 100 percent on board with it. I won't do that to you, Sheldon."

"Don't you want a baby?"

"Of course I do," she stressed, her eyes never leaving his. "But that is not my first priority, you are. You are my husband, and my first and only goal should be you."

"I can't ask you to do that for me," Sheldon responded weakly, breaking his eye contact with her in favor of his bowl. "If this what you want to do, then I can't stop you and honestly, you shouldn't let me."

Amy didn't say anything for several minutes as he moved the oatmeal around in his bowl. Every now and again taking small bites, his apatite appearing to have vanished. Still, her gaze never left him. Watching, cataloging every move he made. He set a rhythm with his left hand that clenched and unclenched his fist, squeezing until the point that his knuckles turned white. His face twitched in the way it always did when he was thinking hard about something that made him uncomfortable.

The silence was uncomfortable to say the least, and eventually it became too much for Sheldon. He shot up, borderline angrily, and proceeded to throw the reminder of his breakfast away. As he began to wash his bowl in the sink his shoulders slumped. Sheldon sighed before he turned back to her. "Would you resent me if you didn't have the surgery?"

"Why would I resent you?"

"Think about it, Amy, if we try our other options and they don't work the next logical conclusion is that this surgery would work. If I held you back from doing something that could give you what you want, you could blame and resent me." Sheldon dipped his chin to his chest, but Amy could see the way his lips began to tremble. The same way they did before his prolonged trips to the restroom.

Amy set down her napkin and joined him near the kitchen sink. "There is no way I could ever resent you, Sheldon. I don't know where this kind of thinking is coming from, but its worrying me."

"I-I just," he stammered, tears brimming around his eyes. "I'm terrified, Amy, of both choices. In one scenario you're either dead or 100 percent infertile and in the other you hate me because I held you back from something that could've made you a mother. I'm afraid that no matter what, I'm going to lose you."

"Ok," she said, firmly, placing her hands on his arms that were folded. "You listen to me, I read that pamphlet the chances are 3 to 8 out of a possible 100,000. The odds are in our favor. It is a fairly routine procedure and I have faith in the doctors that nothing is going to wrong. As for hating you; you and I both know that is never going to happen."

What came out of his mouth next nearly had them both crippled with pain. "The last time I saw my dad was when he was on a gurney being rushed in for emergency heart surgery. I cannot have that be my last memory of you too."

"Sweetheart," Amy consoled, wrapping her arms around him. Reluctantly he did so as well. "I cannot tell you just how things will play out, surgery or no surgery. But please believe me when I say, whatever choice we make I will never grow to resent you." Amy ran her hands down the back his head. "And I promise you, on my doctorate I promise you, I will do everything in my power to make sure that you don't have the sight of me on a gurney as your last memory."

He pulled away from her, and a million weights seemed to be lifted off of him. "Thank you," he sighed. He laced his fingers through her hair, letting his forehead fall against hers. "I don't think you realize how worried I've been for you. After we got the news you seemed so despondent, I was terrified that you were slipping away from me. You weren't yourself and I just wanted my Amy back. I did everything in my power to make sure I didn't lose you to this. Amy, I swear to you if it took self-sacrifice I would have done it. That's how much you mean to me." Amy inhaled sharply at his confession. Tears immediately beginning to flood her eyes. "I finally started to see you come back to me after I brought Pond home. For the first time in a month, I finally got to see you happy. My efforts finally paid off; I'd made you happy."

Amy shook her head emphatically, trying to dissuade his point. "Sheldon, you do make me happy."

He moved his fingers deftly through her hair, gently massaging her scalp. "That's the thing, I couldn't. You just weren't happy and I couldn't figure out exactly what to do. But when I brought Pond home for the first time, you started coming back to me. Slowly but surely, before yesterday's appointment, I began to see you clearly again. So, yesterday, when your eyes lit up because of what Dr. Barrett was saying I couldn't help but be terrified."

Amy's tears flowed freely now, and he pulled back to wipe away at them. "The physical aspect will always scare me. After all, you remember what happened when Leonard went in for his deviated septum," he smirked as he brushed back an errant strand of hair. "But I read the pamphlets, I have no doubt how this much this surgery could help us, but I don't know how emotionally ready either of us are for that. And what scared me the most, more than anything, was seeing you go back to the beginning because we made a hasty decision."

He exhaled against her, his speech seeming to have drained him. She gripped onto his forearms to stabilize him as he wobbled on his feet. She was still crying, and she didn't care to stop. For the first time in a long time, he was opening up to her. He told her his feelings and didn't hold back.

And those lips that had been trembling just minutes before, trailed up her nose and landed on her forehead. There was something so strangely intimate about how his touch felt like everything and nothing all at the same time. How they were her safe haven and her captor all at the same time. How it was gone as quickly as it came.

His thumbs continued to stroke her cheeks, even after the last of her tears had fallen. "I'm sorry I upset you," he apologized.

Reaching up, she took one of his hands in her own. "It's ok, really. I realize now I didn't give you much opportunity to talk about how you've been feeling through this whole ordeal. I'm glad you felt like you could open up to me."

"I didn't want to burden you, Amy."

She squeezed his hand. "You could never be a burden to me," she reassured. "As hard as it may be, I think it's best if we don't make a decision right now. We both still need time to heal, and I think we need to figure out to be a couple again — a couple whose only priority is each other and not to have a baby."

Sheldon nodded in agreement. "I really don't want to rush into anything."

"I've missed you too, Sheldon," she said. "Believe it or not, I missed my husband. I feel like this whole infertility situation has put a wedge in between us. I want it to just be us for a while again."

There was a small mewl at Sheldon's feet. There was Pond begging for attention. Again. "I think Pond would like to know where she fits into all of this," Sheldon joked as he picked up the ever growing orange fluff ball.

Amy giggled and nuzzled the kittens head. "Well, of course she stays."

Sheldon watched with a smile as the kitten playfully swatted at her hand. She always handled Pond with so much care and love, he could wait to see her with their child. Not yet, they needed time now. Amy met his eyes again. "We're ok?" He questioned.

Cupping his cheek she replied, "we're ok. Dream team, remember?"

There in the middle of their kitchen, holding their kitten, he pulled her tightly to his chest. Making sure Pond wouldn't get crushed by the gesture, he pressed a kiss to her temple and whispered into her ear, "always."

* * *

**A/N: The forehead kiss was inspired by Rgbcn's live session sketch from last Saturday. Must give credit where credit is due because she is amazing :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: It has been a second. I apologize _*grimace* _I'm actually pretty ****nervous about this chapter, I took a gamble with it. It's shorter compared to the last two but it got the job done and I'm pretty proud of it. **

**I am going to put a warning in here though... it does get rather rough at certain points and could possibly be a trigger. I don't want to give away the story too much, but this chapter does take place in a hospital so...**

**I hope you enjoy though :)**

* * *

Sheldon grasped Amy's hand tightly in his own. His fingers ran gently over her knuckles in a soothing motion, whether it was for his own sake or hers he did not know. He was studying her, drinking in every detail he possibly could. Every tress of hair that was out of place, the freckles on her face that were typically hidden under makeup, the glint behind her eyes when she realized he was studying her.

The weight of her wedding bands weighed down on his pinky finger. Since she couldn't take them in with her, he offered to hold on to them. They felt unnatural on him like they didn't belong there, which they didn't. He'd have to give them to Penny when he joined their friends out in the waiting room.

"It's gonna be okay," he heard Amy sigh. She squeezed his hand in affirmation.

There was still a twinge of doubt in the back of his head that was nagging at him. He was doing everything he could to push it down and drown it out, but the thought still rung in his ears. He kept repeating the same thing over and over again in his head; she will survive this, she will survive this, she will survive this.

Sheldon nodded. "I know," he replied softly, letting out a shaky breath as he did so.

"Hey," Amy said, gently pulling her hand out of his grasp to cup his cheek. "What's wrong? Talk to me."

Her request was so gentle, so caring. Too much for someone who was about to go into surgery. He needed to be her strength again, the one to build her up instead of bringing her down. However, something about the way Amy was looking at him told Sheldon that she wanted nothing short of honesty.

"I know we talked about it and I know there is really nothing for me to worry about but there is still a part of my mind that is worried about the 'what ifs.'" He paused for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts. "I am trying to be strong for you, I really am, but this is really hard for me," he admitted, looking down at his own lap. Almost as if he was ashamed.

Her thumb swept over his zygomatic arch, begging him to look back up at her. He complied. "I know you are, sweetheart, but we're equals. You don't need to be strong for me, just the fact that you're here is enough."

"Well, you do know how I hate hospitals," he chuckled, and she flashed him a smile that lit up the already stark white walls.

It went quiet again. Sheldon took her hand again, holding onto it like it was a lifeline. He wanted every single moment to be ingrained in his memory. He wanted to savor the silent, comfortable moments they shared just basking in each other's company, just in case.

He was unable to dwell on the thought for too long as the curtain that separated them from the rest of the pre-op beds was pulled open. Amy's nurse, Tori, appeared, dressed in a blue surgical gown, shooting them a genuine smile before she approached the bed.

"We're ready for you," Tori said softly, almost apologetically as she observed the couple still tightly holding each other's hand.

Sheldon thought the day was already draining, but he was wrong. An emotion ran over him, not unlike the one he felt when Leonard has his surgery. However, this one was stronger, more intense. He felt his stomach drop, and his heart leaped into his throat. His lip quivered, and he implored the sudden tears in his eyes to stay where they were.

She will survive this. She will survive this. She will survive this.

He ran his free hand down his face before he stood from the chair beside her bed. He knew this moment was coming, where he'd have to part ways with her, but it was not as he imagined it. It was so much harder.

Amy shifted her attention to Tori. "Can we have a minute? She requested. The young nurse nodded immediately, stepping away from the gurney's edge but did not close the curtain. "Sheldon." Amy motioned from him to come to her level.

Bending down, he rested his forehead atop hers. And although they knew Tori was watching them, it was so strangely private and intimate. Cupping her face in his hands, he closed off the rest of the hospital, and it was just them.

"I'll see you later, okay?" She promised, holding her own hands over his.

He nodded against her. "Okay," he replied, almost inaudible. He tilted his head towards her, laying the most tender of kisses upon her lips.

He pulled away from her, taking in every last detail he could before they parted. He ran his hand over her forehead, sweeping back her hair as he did so. She smiled at his out of character gesture as he bent over once again, and lovingly kissed her forehead.

Tori approached the bed once again, this time, she used to her foot to release the brake. "You ready?" She asked softly, glancing back and forth between the two of them.

Amy said nothing as she nodded. Reaching down, she took Sheldon's hand in his one more time. "I love you," she declared, giving his hand a light squeeze as she did so.

Sheldon couldn't speak, only managing to nod in response to her as the nurse pulled her away from him. Deep down, he knew that Tori was only doing her job, but the strong disconnect he felt the moment Amy's hand let go of his was unparalleled. He couldn't help but feel a little indigent toward the young nurse.

Sheldon watched the stretcher, even as it passed through the double doors at the end of the very long hallway. Just before the pair of women disappeared out of sight, Tori turned back to look at him. She gave him a little nod and a smile, a reassurance that it would be okay.

There he stood; in an empty, sterile room, watching the double doors close behind Tori and Amy.

"It's going to be fine," he whispered to himself.

On autopilot, he walked himself back out to the waiting room. Penny looked up as soon as he entered, her eyes questioning.

With a little nod of his head, Sheldon answered her unspoken question. "They took her back."

Sheldon sank down into the hard, uncomfortable chair that he would have to endure for at least the next three hours. However, under the weight of what his mind was going through, he hardly had any time to notice how his back protested almost immediately.

He watched his friends look at each other, using each other for their own strength. Bernadette leaning on Howard's shoulder. Penny holding her son close to her chest while Leonard flung his arm around her, massaging her back. Even Raj, the last single of the group, looked around and shot a sympathetic smile to everyone.

But who did he have? His strength, his rock, wasn't there. Amy couldn't catch him if it all became too much and he lost it.

Without realizing it, Sheldon began to thump his leg anxiously. He was twisting Amy's wedding rings around on his pinky, they felt much heavier than before.

How Penny got so close to him without him noticing was a mystery to him. But before he knew it, his blonde best friend was sitting right beside him. She didn't touch him; she didn't even reach out to do so. She just crossed her legs and waited for him to speak first.

He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his knees. "I can't do this, Penny," he whispered, anxiety beginning to close in on him. The unforgiving hospital lighting was too much for his already overloaded brain to handle, so he tightly closed his eyes.

"Sheldon." Her hand rested on his back now. "We're all here for you. You're going to be okay."

He looked around the waiting room. All eyes were on him now. And each head was nodding in agreement.

He gulped. Logic told him that it would all be okay and that he would be holding Amy's hand again in a few hours. But the 14-year-old boy inside of him kept reminding him of his father; how the last time he saw his dad was exactly like the way he saw Amy just a few minutes prior. He couldn't shake that image out of his head, no matter how many times he told himself it would be alright.

"Sheldon," Penny's voice pulled him back from his reverie. "If you need anything, just say so, none of us are going to leave you." Her voice was comforting, but something about it irked him. He did need something. He needed Amy, but that wasn't really feasible at the moment.

Knowing Penny only meant well, he merely nodded his head. She was worried about his wife, too; she didn't need or deserve his attitude. Penny tapped him on his back once again before she rose out of the creaking chair to rejoin her husband and son.

Sheldon observed them for a few moments. Isaac giggled when Penny started playing "peekaboo," his small, chubby hands reaching out to his mother. Leonard bounced Isaac on his leg, which only added to the little boy's excitement. Sheldon smiled fondly at the scene. He couldn't wait to have that with Amy.

He felt himself relax a little. They had chosen a trustworthy doctor for this, in a well-respected hospital. It would be okay.

Distraction. It's what he needed to get through the next few grueling hours. He got out his phone and began scrolling through the many texts his mother had sent him that morning.

_Text me when you get to the hospital. _

_-Love, mom _

_Text me when she goes back. _

_-Love, mom _

_Text me when she's out. _

_-Love, mom_

Only one more to go, he thought. One more text, and they could finally start to wrap up this long and painful chapter of their lives. Oh, how he couldn't wait to send it.

Deciding to pass the time by watching TV, he pulled up Netflix on his phone. It took a few years of relentless badgering, but he had finally managed to wear Amy down when it came to watching The Flash. Turns out, it was actually something he could get easily invested in, and it was a show that could take his mind out of the real world. So, as episode after episode played, the uncomfortable chair began to give way. The loud hospital beeping that would occasionally ring, drowned out. The blaring florescent lighting dimmed ever so slightly.

He felt less anxious as time carried on. The weight of Amy's rings didn't feel nearly as heavy anymore.

Engrossed with what was happening on his screen, he could barely hear someone calling out his name.

"Dr. Cooper," Tori said softly, this time tapping his shoulder.

Sheldon startled and nearly dropped his phone. He managed to catch it midair, but he held a hand up to his chest nonetheless. "I apologize, I didn't hear you at first," he told the young nurse. "Is Amy out of surgery?"

For the first time since she approached him, Sheldon studied the young woman before him. She sighed heavily and sat down in the chair next to him. Sheldon looked around the room briefly to see that all of his friends had fallen asleep in their chairs. He gulped and turned his attention back to Tori. The expression on her face sent his heart plummeting to his feet. And he was shaking his head before she even said anything.

"Dr. Cooper," she whispered again. "The doctors did everything they could."

No.

He told her not to do this. He should have trusted his gut and fought against this harder. Why didn't he fight for her?

No.

There was no way this was happening. Tori didn't tell him explicitly that Amy was… gone. Perhaps she had just fallen into a coma. Or they had to perform a complete hysterectomy. Amy wasn't dead, she couldn't be.

Sheldon's eyes pleaded with Tori. Begged her to tell him that it wasn't true while he gripped onto any ounce of hope he had left inside of him. The very same hope that Amy had instilled within him.

"Sheldon," Tori sighed. "The doctors did everything they could, but unfortunately, we could not save your wife. I'm sorry."

And like a flame caught in the wind, the last sliver of anything he could hold onto was extinguished. He felt like the floor had dropped open beneath him, and he was plummeting down to an icy hell.

The room felt colder around him. Or maybe the lights just felt dimmer than they did before.

He heard voices around him. Leonard and Penny's voices. Tori was reciting what she had just told him.

Sheldon didn't hear any of it. His ears were ringing. She was gone. She was gone. He didn't fight hard enough for her. This was on him.

The rings were like 100-pound weights attached to his hand. They were too heavy. He needed them off. He clenched and unclenched his fist as his whole body shook.

"Sheldon."

Penny. She was next to him now, the hand on his back made him double over as if he was in pain. Instead, a dry sob came out that was more painful than if he just started crying.

"Sheldon."

His name came louder this time. But he was too busy replaying his last conversation with her. He hadn't said 'I love you.'

Why hadn't he said I love you?

"Sheldon!"

He startled as he awoke and dropped his phone. As his eyes adjusted to the room's harsh lighting, Leonard and Penny's concerned faces came into view.

"Are you okay, buddy?" Leonard asked as he handed Sheldon his phone back. "You were whimpering in your sleep?"

It was a dream? What kind of cruel joke was his subconscious trying to play on him?

He couldn't possibly tell his friends what had happened, though. They would only pity him, that wasn't what he needed. He needed to know where Amy was, and quickly before his brain decided to trick him again.

Tori stood close by watching him worriedly. "Are you alright, Dr. Cooper?" she asked him, parroting Leonard's earlier question that he had yet to answer.

Sheldon nodded quickly, not telling them what his nightmare had entailed. It was bad enough he kept replaying it over and over again in his head, he didn't need to recount it to his friends.

"I'm fine. I just need to know where Amy is."

What Tori did next was something she did not do in his dream. She smiled. "She's on her way up to recovery right now," she answered, pausing for a moment before continuing. "The surgery was a success. There was a lot more scar tissue than we initially thought, but the doctor managed to get most of it out."

He could see Penny breathe a sigh of relief out of the corner of his eye and the rest of his friends reacting in a similar manner. Sheldon's eye just twitched. "But she's okay?" He asked, hesitantly, still afraid that the scenario his subconscious threw at him was real.

Tori nodded. "She's gonna be just fine. We're going to keep her overnight for observation, but she should be able to go home tomorrow."

It was all eyes on him as his friends waited for a reaction from him. But all he could do what shake his head and mutter a weak 'thank you' to the nurse who excused herself to attend to her duties.

He could breathe the hospital air no longer. He needed to get out of the waiting room. He needed out of this place where he was told his wife was dead. Sheldon didn't even acknowledge his friends calling after him as he left down the corridor.

He didn't find himself at the entrance of the hospital like he had initially intended. Instead, he found the green space, or the garden or whatever fancy word for plants one wanted to call it. Ignoring the chapel doors just to his left as he stepped outside, he took in the still-hot but fresh California air. The sun was starting to set, and it was beginning to cool down ever so slightly. It was a stark contrast to the heavily filtered air of the hospital.

Sheldon found a bench in the corner farthest from the door. Tears ran down his face before he even sat down.

Amy was okay, and the dream wasn't real. He knew this. But in those endless moments where his subconscious told him that the worst was his reality, he felt he had quite literally lost a part of himself. Real or not real. In retrospect, he guessed he had lost something while he was asleep. But gained it back when Leonard and Penny shook him awake. It was the rebound he was having the hardest time with. Having to come to terms with the fact that he experienced what it would be like to receive such catastrophic news like that. Having to live with the fact that he has now experienced that kind of pain, something he hasn't felt since Professor Proton died. Only this wasn't the same, this was amplified grief. Hopefully, his memory of this day will fade over time, but that knowledge in and of itself won't help him or Amy.

Oh, how he wanted to talk to her about this. She would tell him all about dreams and how the brain perceives them. She would use all her neurobiology mumbo jumbo to help him feel better about the whole situation. But she just got out of surgery, he couldn't do that to her. Amy needed to worry about herself and healing before he would even begin to consider telling her about this.

He should have heard the approaching footsteps, but he was too caught up in the jungle of thoughts racing through his brain.

"Sheldon?"

Furiously wiping away the dampness on his cheeks, and was unsurprised to find that Penny had tracked him down. Apparently, having a baby of her own only heightened her motherlike tendencies towards him.

"Why are you upset?" Penny asked as she sat down next to him. "Amy is going to be alright, I thought that would make you happy."

Sheldon avoided eye contact with her, staring intensely at the ground. "I am happy," he retorted. "I just- I guess the stress caught up to me."

Penny huffed at that like she could see through his lie. "Oh, come on. I've known you 13 years, Sheldon, don't you think I know you a little better than that by now?"

He shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it, Penny."

She didn't say anything else, but she didn't leave him either. They just sat in relative silence as the chirping of the birds faded with the sunset. Sheldon fiddled with the rings on his pinky, twisting and tugging them every which way. Anxious to give them back to their rightful owner.

"Penny?" Sheldon said, breaking their quiet.

"Yeah?"

"I had a dream that Amy died," he admitted. Penny inhaled sharply. "In the waiting room, when I was asleep. That's why I woke up in such a panic." Sheldon explained, trying to suppress the anger and sadness that was bubbling up within him again.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry." Penny softly whispered. He could see her hand reaching out to pat his back but retracted her hand at the last second. "She's not dead, though, so-"

"That's not the point, Penny!" He snapped, cutting her off midsentence. "The point is, I know what it feels like now. To lose her like that."

"But she didn't die, you have to hold onto that, Sheldon." Penny sounded like she was pleading with him almost. "Yes, having to suffer through that, even in a dream, sucks. But your dream is not what happened. So, let's just push it to the back burner for now, and we'll deal with it when we're not all so exhausted."

Penny smirked and added one last thing. "Maybe Amy can use all her fancy brain knowledge to help you feel better about this."

Sheldon chuckled at that. Maybe talking to Amy about all of this wouldn't be such a bad idea. Later, of course, when she wasn't so groggy from all the anesthetic.

Both of their phones pinged at the same time.

Leonard

She is in recovery now—room 409.

"Come on," Penny said. "Let's go see that wife of yours."

She didn't wait for a response from him, just got up, and walked determined over to the hospital's door. He followed her lead. Weaving through all the twists and turns, finding the correct elevator, before finally standing in front of the door for room 409.

As much as he loved Penny, the selfish side of him wanted to be alone with Amy for a while. "Penny, do you mind if I-"

The woman in question held up her hands, already knowing what he was going to ask. "Of course, we'll all be in the waiting room if you need us."

The room was dark as he entered, and Amy was still asleep. Sheldon tried to be as stealthy as possible, walking through the tiny room. The large reclining chair next to her bed was much more comfortable than those god awful ones they had downstairs.

He was too afraid to touch her, worried that he might hurt her somehow. Deciding that her hand would be his best bet, he took it as gingerly as possible. Her fingers were cold, and they didn't grip him back like they usually did. Something about that caused a pang to go through him.

So, Sheldon sat there, just holding Amy's hand and observing her as her body slowly began to wake up. The rise and fall of her chest with every breath she took brought him great comfort. Until it hitched, and her eyebrows scrunched together. She groaned and tilted her head to the side. He could see how her eyes fluttered under their lids.

It seemed like an eternity to him before she finally opened her eyes. She looked so tired.

"Hi," she rasped, her voice sounding in desperate need of some water.

And just like that, her hand finally, weakly, squeezed his in return.

"Hello," Sheldon whispered. "How are you feeling?"

Amy chuckled. "Like crap. Feels like my stomach was put in the blender."

Sheldon grimaced at that rather specific description. He found himself unconsciously holding a hand to his own abdomen. "I'm sorry, Amy, I wish there was something I could do to make you feel better."

She smiled softly at him. "You were here when I woke up, that certainly helped."

Sheldon leaned his elbows on the bed, his hands still clutching hers. He swallowed thickly as Amy's eyes studied him.

"How are you feeling?" She asked.

That should have been easy to answer, but it wasn't. He was still trying to deal with the aftershocks of the incident in the waiting room, but he was beyond happy to see and _feel_ that she was okay. And thus, he was faced with a decision, which one weighed out the other?

"I'm doing just fine," he replied with a reassuring smile.

Penny was right. Whatever crap his subconscious threw at him didn't matter if reality proved it wrong. Amy was okay. What happened to his father did not happen to his wife. When Amy was feeling better, he would talk about it with her, but he was just happy to be holding her hand again for now.

Amy looked happy at his response but was having a hard time keeping her eyes open. She kept opening and closing them, fighting to stay awake.

"Sleep…I'll be here when you wake up again." He nodded, his thumb running across her knuckles. "I love you." Sheldon whispered as Amy fell asleep muttering the words back to him.

As terrified as he was to try and rest again, his body was begging for it. But there was still one last thing he needed to do.

_To Mom _

_Surgery was a success. Amy is in recovery now. _

_-Love Sheldon_

Mary Cooper texted back remarkably fast for a woman who was not so keen on using technology.

_Glad to hear it. Looking forward to meeting some babies of yours, Shelly_

_-Love Mom_

Sheldon looked over at his sleeping wife. He couldn't wait for it either.

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for reading, loves, your support means the world to me!**


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